I have been avoiding reading about the Treyvon Martin killing. Until today, I did not read any of the stories, click any links, ect. For me it was too emotionally charged. Today I read about the case and like most found it troubling. However for me it went deeper. This was a great fear of my mother that I would be shot for some reason. She never liked me to go running in the evening, was always concerned about what I was wearing, never let me go hunting, ect.
It reminded me that how I look matters. Being a mixed race dark skin male has made for some interesting events in life. Here are some of the highlights...
Being consistently searched at TSA
Being detained at the Canadian Boarder for several hours (remember that one guys!)
People getting nervous with me in an elevator
A classmate in school had a dog that would go apeshit when it saw me because it was specifically trained to attack black males. (first racist dog I met) It had to be kept in a cage when I was around and would bark non-stop until I was gone.
Not experimenting with drugs in teens (like everyone else) as I was already being searched...
Being perceived as being overly sexual or treated like a sex toy. (long social history feeding into this as well as the porn category "interracial", see also Emmitt Till case)
Swastikas carved into my desks in junior high by neo nazis
Caricatures of me with giant lips left in my desk and locker throughout school
Being told to go back to Iraq (wrong country dumbass...)
Having a patient refuse to see me as a student because of the color of my skin
Being refused service in multiple restaurants (very embarrassing...)
Ironically Treyvon was suspended from school when the shooting occurred due to trace amounts of marijuana in a bag. Maybe his death has saved him from later doing time in prison on a mj charge once he became an adult. Gotta love the prison industrial complex... I can totally understand how he looked had led to this disaster as I have experienced what he has experienced.
I have a kid now and have a vague idea of the absolute horror it must be to loose your child. My heart goes out to his parents. No one should have to outlive their child. I am ashamed to say I am glad I have a daughter as I don't have the slightest clue how to teach a young racially mixed male how to navigate the complexities and prejudices of the world around him. I am not sure how I made it this far myself... I am not sure if I will make it...
Monday, March 26, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Happy International Women's day Some thoughts on making the world a better place for women
Happy International Women's Day! While not well celebrated in the U.S. it is a national holiday in many countries. http://www.internationalwomensday.com/about.asp
Women have been making many changes in their lives over the past 100 years (ok, probably since the dawn of time) that have helped shape society as we know it today. In celebrating this today, I would like to propose that we move to a more gender positive culture. For both men and women there are many negative stereotypes and teachings that are holding us back from having a bliss filled coexistence together.
I once asked an indigenous healer why men and women have such a hard time getting along. He laughed and said "they have different purposes... Women's purpose is to bring life into the world, and men's purpose it to bring death in the world. Both are needed to prosper, as part of the death-life-death cycle, but both are fundamentally at odds with one another." Profound! Talk about "killing me softly with his song"...
It got me thinking... Men are blamed for everything that is going wrong in the world today. Maybe justifiably so. However, for every man out their raping and pillaging mother earth for material wealth, there is a woman (or women) backing him and enjoying the exploits. I sometimes wonder if so much of this behavior occurs because at some level it does get the girls.
Maybe if women stopped having sex with the men pillaging the place, then maybe that model of success would die out. (This of course is how women got the right to vote... stopped having sex with the men till they got it!) After all 95% of male actions are directly or indirectly related to making sure they have some place in the sexing order... JK but you get the point. The messages I received as a young man was that it was more important to get money and material things to insure my mating success than it was to do it in a way that did not destroy the planet we live on. Consequently, we have people destroying the place to support their families, because that is the model of success we have been shown.
Speaking of raping and pillaging... The rape and assault of women must stop. On Friday March 2 Democracy Now had a good interview with Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues". http://www.democracynow.org/2012/3/2/one_billion_rising_v_days_eve
In it she is calling for a day of action Feb 14, 2013 of a billion women world wide walking out of jobs, schools, ect in solidarity with women who have been raped or sexually assaulted. I hope all 7 billion of us shows up, because it affects us all. As a physician, I am continually shocked at the sheer number of women that answer positively to this question on our intake form. Our brief work in Haiti after the earthquake was probably over 90% of our female patients were sexually assaulted. I fully agree with Eve Ensler's notion that the rape of the planet and the rape of women is one issue.
This of course gets me thinking...What has to happen to men to get them to rape? I think it is more complex than they want power... I think something has to happen to them (and of course their dopamine pathways) to make this. What has to happen so they don't see the joy and beauty in the feminine form and energy? The nature vs nurture debate, I think that society makes rapist, that it is not inherent in our genetics or in maleness. Initially I wanted to blame the media and pornography, but rape has been happening well before these came around, and it is unknown what effect this has had on rape rates as it is hard to get good statistics as it is a very under reported crime. (Most of my patients raped or assaulted did not report it)
Check out Tony Porter's TED talk on "the man box" and his programs as one idea how how men may be socialized into assaulting women. http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html
As someone with a young daughter, we need to change this type of socialization immediately. Not just for Penelope's sake but for the sake of all women and men.
I guess a solution for me would be this: just like we have classes and programs teaching women how to avoid, prevent, and stop rape, we should also drop some money into researching why men rape and under what circumstances and also have classes for men and treatment well before they get to a point of acting out. I have some research work to do... Stay tuned. Please support Eve Ensler's programs as well as Tony Porter if these issues affect you in some way. Unfortunately, it effects us all. For more links on the topic of International Women's day (as well as other issues of individual and social change, see our facebook page "Upstartist" http://www.facebook.com/pages/Upstartist/198739706861199
Women have been making many changes in their lives over the past 100 years (ok, probably since the dawn of time) that have helped shape society as we know it today. In celebrating this today, I would like to propose that we move to a more gender positive culture. For both men and women there are many negative stereotypes and teachings that are holding us back from having a bliss filled coexistence together.
I once asked an indigenous healer why men and women have such a hard time getting along. He laughed and said "they have different purposes... Women's purpose is to bring life into the world, and men's purpose it to bring death in the world. Both are needed to prosper, as part of the death-life-death cycle, but both are fundamentally at odds with one another." Profound! Talk about "killing me softly with his song"...
It got me thinking... Men are blamed for everything that is going wrong in the world today. Maybe justifiably so. However, for every man out their raping and pillaging mother earth for material wealth, there is a woman (or women) backing him and enjoying the exploits. I sometimes wonder if so much of this behavior occurs because at some level it does get the girls.
Maybe if women stopped having sex with the men pillaging the place, then maybe that model of success would die out. (This of course is how women got the right to vote... stopped having sex with the men till they got it!) After all 95% of male actions are directly or indirectly related to making sure they have some place in the sexing order... JK but you get the point. The messages I received as a young man was that it was more important to get money and material things to insure my mating success than it was to do it in a way that did not destroy the planet we live on. Consequently, we have people destroying the place to support their families, because that is the model of success we have been shown.
Speaking of raping and pillaging... The rape and assault of women must stop. On Friday March 2 Democracy Now had a good interview with Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues". http://www.democracynow.org/2012/3/2/one_billion_rising_v_days_eve
In it she is calling for a day of action Feb 14, 2013 of a billion women world wide walking out of jobs, schools, ect in solidarity with women who have been raped or sexually assaulted. I hope all 7 billion of us shows up, because it affects us all. As a physician, I am continually shocked at the sheer number of women that answer positively to this question on our intake form. Our brief work in Haiti after the earthquake was probably over 90% of our female patients were sexually assaulted. I fully agree with Eve Ensler's notion that the rape of the planet and the rape of women is one issue.
This of course gets me thinking...What has to happen to men to get them to rape? I think it is more complex than they want power... I think something has to happen to them (and of course their dopamine pathways) to make this. What has to happen so they don't see the joy and beauty in the feminine form and energy? The nature vs nurture debate, I think that society makes rapist, that it is not inherent in our genetics or in maleness. Initially I wanted to blame the media and pornography, but rape has been happening well before these came around, and it is unknown what effect this has had on rape rates as it is hard to get good statistics as it is a very under reported crime. (Most of my patients raped or assaulted did not report it)
Check out Tony Porter's TED talk on "the man box" and his programs as one idea how how men may be socialized into assaulting women. http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html
As someone with a young daughter, we need to change this type of socialization immediately. Not just for Penelope's sake but for the sake of all women and men.
I guess a solution for me would be this: just like we have classes and programs teaching women how to avoid, prevent, and stop rape, we should also drop some money into researching why men rape and under what circumstances and also have classes for men and treatment well before they get to a point of acting out. I have some research work to do... Stay tuned. Please support Eve Ensler's programs as well as Tony Porter if these issues affect you in some way. Unfortunately, it effects us all. For more links on the topic of International Women's day (as well as other issues of individual and social change, see our facebook page "Upstartist" http://www.facebook.com/pages/Upstartist/198739706861199
Sunday, March 4, 2012
The Case Against Orgasm?!! What?!!
Yes, even orgasm is not without peril! So as it is turning out the notion that orgasm is safe and healthy may be a little less black and white and more in a grey area. (like so much of sexuality!) I am reading the book "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" by Marnia Robinson. It is convincing me that everything we are being told about sexuality is much different than reality. Much of the argument is steeped in neurobiology that goes a little something like this:
Guy likes girl, girl likes guy. Guy gets surge in dopamine and testosterone due to prospect of mating with novel mate. Girl gets surge in dopamine and estrogen at guy's pursuit of her. The bigger the pursuit, the bigger the dopamine build. Tension heightens, they have vigorous sex with orgasms and ejaculation. Guy's prolactin surges and he falls blissfully asleep. Girl's testosterone surges, she would like more. She cajoles him into more, he obliges. Both experience drastic falls in dopamine 12 to 36 hours post sex. Both become cranky, anxious, jittery.... basically they are going through withdrawal like any other addiction. He becomes an insensitive asshole, she becomes a nagging bitch... Two weeks later dopamine receptors recover, they exhibit loving behaviors and do it all over again. Sound familiar?
Unfortunately, real life is not as simple as this short synopsis of the book. It is well referenced and makes a great case as to all the reasons our brains get hijacked when we begin having sex with someone. Hence all the talking about it with girlfriends and siblings ala Sex in the City. We need someone with their rational brain still functioning to give us feed back! (yet we frequently ignore them until we hit rock bottom!) According to one fMRI based study the male brain ejaculating looks no different than a heroin addict getting a hit. (apparently the study subjects had to hold their head very still and not move while their partner serviced them inside the MRI machine! Lots of practice before attempting the imaging!)
Fortunately, the authors have some recommendations to avoid the roller coaster's dramatic ups and downs. The technique they recommend is called Karreza (What?). It is basically a sexual technique that involves slow lovemaking, caresses, cuddling, and avoidance of orgasm by both sexes. This prevents the massive release of dopamine that eventually drives couples apart and in search of other mates. In other words by not seeking satiation it is easier to stay together and avoid our neurobiological programing to spread our genes far and wide.
This concept is not really new and interspersed in the book are vignettes from other traditions such as taoism and tantra which also advocate for avoidance of orgasm except for when conception is desired. Many comment that they feel even greater satisfaction with their relationships as it promotes bonding behaviors that stimulate oxytocin release rather than dopaminergic highs.
Pretty interesting huh? Here is a link to the website http://www.reuniting.info/first_visit for those interested. The book so far is excellent, stay tuned for more insights. I am learning alot!
Guy likes girl, girl likes guy. Guy gets surge in dopamine and testosterone due to prospect of mating with novel mate. Girl gets surge in dopamine and estrogen at guy's pursuit of her. The bigger the pursuit, the bigger the dopamine build. Tension heightens, they have vigorous sex with orgasms and ejaculation. Guy's prolactin surges and he falls blissfully asleep. Girl's testosterone surges, she would like more. She cajoles him into more, he obliges. Both experience drastic falls in dopamine 12 to 36 hours post sex. Both become cranky, anxious, jittery.... basically they are going through withdrawal like any other addiction. He becomes an insensitive asshole, she becomes a nagging bitch... Two weeks later dopamine receptors recover, they exhibit loving behaviors and do it all over again. Sound familiar?
Unfortunately, real life is not as simple as this short synopsis of the book. It is well referenced and makes a great case as to all the reasons our brains get hijacked when we begin having sex with someone. Hence all the talking about it with girlfriends and siblings ala Sex in the City. We need someone with their rational brain still functioning to give us feed back! (yet we frequently ignore them until we hit rock bottom!) According to one fMRI based study the male brain ejaculating looks no different than a heroin addict getting a hit. (apparently the study subjects had to hold their head very still and not move while their partner serviced them inside the MRI machine! Lots of practice before attempting the imaging!)
Fortunately, the authors have some recommendations to avoid the roller coaster's dramatic ups and downs. The technique they recommend is called Karreza (What?). It is basically a sexual technique that involves slow lovemaking, caresses, cuddling, and avoidance of orgasm by both sexes. This prevents the massive release of dopamine that eventually drives couples apart and in search of other mates. In other words by not seeking satiation it is easier to stay together and avoid our neurobiological programing to spread our genes far and wide.
This concept is not really new and interspersed in the book are vignettes from other traditions such as taoism and tantra which also advocate for avoidance of orgasm except for when conception is desired. Many comment that they feel even greater satisfaction with their relationships as it promotes bonding behaviors that stimulate oxytocin release rather than dopaminergic highs.
Pretty interesting huh? Here is a link to the website http://www.reuniting.info/first_visit for those interested. The book so far is excellent, stay tuned for more insights. I am learning alot!
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